Experience authentic grandmotherly care with certified professionals specializing in life guidance, unconditional love, and aggressive knitting instruction.
Expertly delivered by certified grandmothers nationwide
Perfectly calibrated guilt about life choices, phone call frequency, and eating habits. Each session includes authentic "When I was your age" stories and genuine concern about fiber intake.
Learn from grandmothers who take yarn crafts seriously. No dropped stitches or excuses accepted. Master the art of knitting through time-tested tough love methodology.
Authentic hard candies of unknown origin, wrapped in crinkly cellophane and dispensed with complete disregard for expiration dates. Purse lint included at no extra charge.
Hand-knit sweaters in colors that defy nature. From "Disappointed Chartreuse" to "Nuclear Salmon," these garments ensure maximum visibility and character building.
Comprehensive worrying about your career, posture, and relationship status. Includes unsolicited advice and suggestions to find a nice doctor to marry.
Round-the-clock availability for fresh-baked cookies, delivered with comments about how you're too skinny regardless of actual body composition.
Rigorous testing in cookie baking, cheek pinching, and saying "You're too skinny" completed.
Real housedresses, orthopedic shoes, and guilt techniques passed through generations.
Available for holidays, dinners, or whenever you need apartment temperature critiques.
Family treatment with boundaries (though grandchildren inquiries are guaranteed).
Join thousands of satisfied grandchildren
"Margaret perfectly guilt-tripped my cousins while producing a casserole from nowhere. Thanksgiving was saved!"
"The aggressive knitting lessons changed my life. I can now knit while being verbally motivated. Exactly what I needed."
"The 'Radioactive Teal' sweater has become my signature conversation starter at every social event."
Professional grandmothers standing by 24/7