Experience the Warmth of Professional Grandmothering

Life's most precious moments deserve the authentic presence of a caring grandmother. Our certified professionals bring decades of experience, unconditional love, and just the right amount of gentle criticism to every occasion.

Our Distinguished Grandmother Professionals

🍪 Cookie-Pusher Gladys

Certified in Comfort Food Therapy & Nutritional Concern

  • Fresh-baked goods delivered with genuine worry about your weight
  • Expert-level guilt deployment ("You're wasting away!")
  • Complimentary Tupperware containers with detailed reheating instructions
  • Specialized in strategic overfeeding techniques

Starting at $125/session

😌 Passive-Aggressive Peggy

Master of Subtle Disappointment & Character Building

  • Professionally trained in meaningful sighs and concerned glances
  • Specializes in phrases like "Well, I suppose that's one way to do it"
  • Expert delivery of backhanded compliments
  • Strategic silence deployment for maximum effect

Starting at $145/session

📚 Oversharing Ethel

Comprehensive Life Lessons Through Personal Anecdotes

  • Extensive catalog of medical procedures and family drama
  • Every conversation expertly redirected to late husband Harold
  • Unsolicited relationship advice based on 1950s standards
  • Complete neighborhood gossip briefings included

Starting at $115/session

🔍 Boundary-Free Bertha

Complete Personal Space Integration Specialist

  • Professional reorganization of your belongings without permission
  • Thorough refrigerator content inspection and expiration date audits
  • Comprehensive questioning about personal relationships
  • Unsolicited home improvement recommendations

Starting at $155/session

⚠️ Catastrophizing Catherine

Risk Assessment & Worst-Case Scenario Planning

  • Expert identification of dangers in everyday activities
  • Comprehensive weather-related warnings regardless of forecast
  • Detailed health concern consultations for minor symptoms
  • Emergency preparedness lectures for routine outings

Starting at $135/session

👑 Technology-Challenged Thelma

Digital Confusion & Remote Control Crisis Management

  • Requires assistance with any device newer than 1985
  • Specializes in accidentally calling you at 3 AM
  • Expert at printing emails and writing checks for online purchases
  • Includes complimentary "the internet is dangerous" warnings

Starting at $105/session

Premium Service Packages

📸 Instant Memory Manufacturing™

Our grandmothers arrive with pre-loaded embarrassing stories about your childhood, complete with specific details about events that definitely happened. They'll reference your third-grade piano recital and that time you got your head stuck in the bannister with stunning accuracy.

☎️ Guilt-Based Check-In Program

Weekly phone calls featuring genuine concern about your eating habits, sleep schedule, and why you haven't given them grandchildren yet. Includes strategic comparisons to more successful cousins and detailed updates on neighbors you've never met.

🎄 Holiday Integration Services

Seamless family gathering placement with our premium grandmothers who arrive knowing everyone's names, dietary restrictions they'll ignore, and strong opinions about your life choices. Includes complimentary cheek pinching and outdated relationship advice.

Professional grandmother providing warm family services Certified grandmother specialist in action

Client Success Stories

"Passive-Aggressive Peggy's subtle disappointment in my career choices motivated me to finally finish my degree. Her strategic sighs were more effective than years of therapy."

- Jennifer M., 28

"Cookie-Pusher Gladys made our wedding complete. She force-fed the entire wedding party, worried about everyone's health, and somehow knew embarrassing stories about my childhood. Perfect!"

- Marcus T., 34

"I hired Boundary-Free Bertha for Thanksgiving. She reorganized my entire kitchen, threw out half my food, and told me everything wrong with my apartment. It felt just like having real family visit!"

- Sarah K., 31

Booking & Packages

Session Duration

  • Half-day visits (4 hours)
  • Full-day experiences (8 hours)
  • Weekend packages (48 hours)
  • Holiday contracts (flexible)

Included Services

  • Professional grandmotherly attire
  • Photo album viewing sessions
  • Gentle life choice criticism
  • Generational wisdom sharing

Premium Add-Ons

  • Emergency guilt trips (+$50)
  • Social media commenting (+$75)
  • Birthday card services (+$30)
  • Recipe inheritance package (+$100)

Start Your Grandmotherly Experience Today

Phone

1-800-GRANDMA

Email

[email protected]

Hours

Mon-Fri: 9AM-6PM
Sat-Sun: 10AM-4PM

Important Notice: RentAGrandma™ is a fully licensed and insured professional service. All grandmother professionals complete our intensive 120-hour certification program including modules on guilt deployment, cookie distribution, and unsolicited advice delivery. Background checks and references available upon request.

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