Professional Grandmother Services On-Demand

Experience Authentic Grandmotherly Care Without the Family Drama

Our certified professional grandmothers bring decades of experience in guilt application, overfeeding, and unsolicited advice directly to your home. Available 24/7 for all your grandmother needs.

Book Your Grandmother View Services

Premium Grandmother Services

Classic Grandmothering

$45/hour

Professional cheek pinching with measured force
Expertly delivered guilt for not calling enough
Unsolicited relationship and career advice
Complaints about modern technology
Stories about walking uphill both ways

Culinary Experience Package

$75/hour

Force-feeding until "properly nourished"
Secret family recipe recreation
Mysterious casserole preparation
Mandatory seconds and thirds
Tupperware care package assembly

Holiday Specialist

$150/event

Professional embarrassment at gatherings
Gift criticism and comparison services
Photo session micromanagement
Competitive grandchild bragging
Traditional holiday guilt distribution

Meet Our Elite Grandmother Team

Margaret "Iron Cheeks" Thompson

★★★★★

42 years of professional experience

"Margaret's cheek-pinching technique left me feeling both loved and mildly bruised. Her disappointed head-shaking when I mentioned eating takeout was Oscar-worthy." - Client Review

Doris "The Feeder" Johnson

★★★★★

Specializes in overfeeding and food guilt

"I hired Doris for a two-hour session. I couldn't move for three days after. She somehow made seven courses appear from a single grocery bag. Incredible." - Client Review

Ethel "Weather Warrior" Williams

★★★★★

Expert in weather-based anxiety

"Ethel called me 14 times during a light drizzle to ensure I had an umbrella, jacket, boots, and backup umbrella. Outstanding dedication to worry." - Client Review

Why Choose Professional Grandmothers?

🏆

Certified Excellence

All grandmothers complete 200+ hours of guilt training and pass rigorous casserole examinations

✓

Background Verified

Thoroughly screened for authentic disappointment capabilities and traditional value enforcement

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Flexible Booking

Available 24/7 for emergency guilt, midnight worry calls, or sudden overfeeding requirements

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Satisfaction Guaranteed

If you don't feel sufficiently guilty or overfed, we'll dispatch another grandmother immediately

Book Your Professional Grandmother Today

Standard Session

2-hour minimum booking

Includes guilt and overfeeding

Emergency Service

24/7 rapid response

Grandmother at your door in 30 minutes

Subscription Plan

Weekly grandmother visits

Consistent disappointment guaranteed

Call 1-800-GRANDMA or book online

Emergency guilt hotline available 24/7

Schedule Your Grandmother