For the Discerning Procrastinator
At Procrastination Butlers, we understand that putting things off is an art form—one that deserves professional support. Our expertly trained butlers specialize in the sophisticated craft of strategic delay.
Our master butlers craft bespoke excuses tailored to your specific avoidance needs. From "the feng shui isn't optimal for tax preparation" to "starting this project on a Wednesday would violate ancient Norse traditions."
Why feel guilty about delay when you can feel intellectually superior? Our butlers provide real-time justification for why postponement is actually the wisest course of action.
No more amateur scrolling. Our butlers present carefully selected, high-quality distractions: artisanal YouTube rabbit holes and intellectually stimulating Wikipedia deep-dives.
Our butlers excel at proving mathematically why any deadline can be safely ignored. Using advanced calendar manipulation techniques, we demonstrate optimal postponement strategies.
Chief Postponement Officer
With over 15 years in professional delay services, Reginald holds advanced certifications in Excuse Architecture and Timeline Optimization.
Senior Rationalization Specialist
Penelope brings academic rigor to the art of avoidance. Her expertise in Applied Procrastination Theory makes her uniquely qualified to justify strategic delays.
"Thanks to my Procrastination Butler, I've successfully avoided organizing my closet for three years running. The monthly reports on why 'closet feng shui requires specific lunar phases' are masterpieces of persuasion."— Margaret K., Satisfied Client
"My butler convinced me that starting my novel before Mercury exits retrograde would be creatively irresponsible. I sleep better knowing I'm procrastinating for astrological accuracy."— James R., Aspiring Author
Our intake specialists are standing by to help you delay getting started.